Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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