when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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