This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
