You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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