margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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