you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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