drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Randomize
