It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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