so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
