you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
