the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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