sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
