I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
