Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
