note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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