anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
