There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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