so that wasnt chicken after all
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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