I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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