im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
