Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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