Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
