...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
