At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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