apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
