Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
