I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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