I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
