I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
