whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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