she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
