I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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