Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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