theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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