I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
