Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Come see our sink grown plant.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
