Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize