He is an equal opportunity slut.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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