All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
we're so committed to being not committed
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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