When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
