I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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