u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
