why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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