I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
