is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
So squirting runs in the family.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize