I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
