fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Houston, we have a squirter
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
