You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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