we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize