The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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