"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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