goodnight i made you a song goodbye
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
