I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
