Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
