My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
