the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Randomize