the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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