My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
