how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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