ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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