Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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