I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
