I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
