she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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