My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
