none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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