my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
