Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
