her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
