Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
