Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
