Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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