My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
