I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It's just like the Real World with babies
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Pooping to opera.
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