i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
