This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
