I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just saw a hot homeless man
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
