just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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