I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
