I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
