i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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