She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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