Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
