I'm drive I can fine osifer
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
