Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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