i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
