i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So vagazzling was a success
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
