he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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