And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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