I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
