i wish my penis had a tongue
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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