Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Blood and glitter go together right?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
