Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
