I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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