dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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