I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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